If it isn’t clear already, allow me to remind you of something. No one can make you happy. No thing can make you happy. You respond feeling happy when certain perceived desires are met, but this kind of happiness is an emotional reaction that is short lived. It is not a deep happiness. Even so, deep or shallow, happiness is a choice. You have to choose it. Here are five tips that make your acquisition of happiness more direct, more profound, and more accessible everyday.
1. Give Thanks For The Little Things
This one sounds simple, but I’m not just referring to giving thanks for your health, your relationships or someone special in your life, although, those are all things to be thankful for. Instead, give thanks for the myriad of tiny things in your life that are going your way. We take for granted many of the small things in life, yet none of it is guaranteed. For example, you can give thanks that there was toothpaste in the toothpaste tube this morning. Sounds silly, but not everyone can say that. You can give thanks for having a soft pillow. Not everyone can say that. You can give thanks for the temperature in the room being comfortable for you. Not everyone can say that. By giving thanks for the little things we come to appreciate how special and marvelous our situation really is. It isn’t just this way and always has been. These tiny pluses in our life have taken centuries to achieve and for many are in no way guaranteed. In that context, we have so much to be thankful for that we so often do not recognize.
2. Meditate
Incorporate a morning meditation practice into your routine. It doesn’t have to take more than 5 to 10 minutes and can go a long way in centering yourself for a day full of activity. You can clarify your intentions unto yourself for the day. You can begin your day from a place of calm and balance before the whirlwind of activity begins to swirl around you. Regular meditation helps you stay calm in the midst of storms of activity. Meditation makes access to your mind’s best more effective and less prone to becoming the stress that surrounds you.
3. Serve Someone
Do something each day for someone else. In other words, make yourself take your focus off of yourself and place it onto someone else in need. This may take the form of taking a warm meal to or checking in on an elderly neighbor, or giving a co-worker a ride somewhere before or after work, or giving a plant to a colleague to brighten their workspace. Serving someone other than yourself or your immediate family with whom you live, helps us think and act beyond ourselves which in turn allows happiness to be more easily accepted by ourselves.
4. Forgive
Forgiveness is required whenever we feel something of value to us has been stepped upon, ignored, or disrespected by another person. From someone interrupting and speaking over you in a meeting, to someone cutting you off during your drive into work, to someone actively seeking to do you harm. You are offended when something of value to you is devalued by another. Forgiveness is the conscious act of acknowledging the impact of the offense on you and choosing to move on so that you do not stay in a state of reactive anger to being offended.
This can often feel easier said than done. The greater the offense you feel someone has brought upon you, the harder it can be to forgive. So start with small things. The important part of forgiveness is that you make it a conscious choice and say and feel it within yourself. For example, if someone cuts in line in front of you, you can get angry and you may just say nothing, but feel resentment towards that person. But put the act into perspective. It’s a small offense. Can you say to yourself, “I forgive him for cutting in front of me. Perhaps he needs to go before me. I am relaxing and forgiving him for doing so.” This may sound like a lot, but it’s the act of making your forgiveness conscious. It’s a bit more than just saying, “Ok, I forgive him.”
5. Let Go
Similar to forgiving others, you can choose to let go of things that are persistently occupying your thoughts and time. Take an inventory of what’s most occupying your thoughts and time for the past 4 hours. Ask yourself what of that inventory is within my control. Whatever is outside of your control, you can choose to let go of. And know that letting go of something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter or that it will never be addressed. Instead, letting go means acknowledging what is outside of your control and what is within your ability to respond.
The only power we have is the power to focus on those things that are within our ability to respond to. By deepening our focus on our ability to respond, we expand our power and nexus of control without being deluded into thinking we are “in control”. It’s one thing to have some control and to exercise that control through our ability to respond, but it’s something entirely different to believe that we are “in control”. There will always be countless variables outside of your control. Let go of them and focus on how best you can respond, knowing it’s the same as realizing your potential.
Conclusion
If you can practice these five things each day, happiness will be infinitely more accessible for you to choose. Each is a practice to be maintained. Start with one. Practice it for a week each day. Then add another, and practice both for a week. Then add another and so on. See and experience for yourself that your inner happiness increases when you are grateful for the little things, center your mind, serve others, forgive offences against you, and let go of what’s beyond your control so you can focus on your ability to respond in the face of any challenge.
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